Do I Go to Law School?: The Devil's Advocate

Anyone in law school knows that people always ask you for advice about getting into law school. You should read this, it's good advice. For everyone who isn't in law school yet, you definitely want to read this.

So, you haven't followed my first set of advice "Don't Do It!" At least listen to this one, get a good friend to try to talk you out of it.

I was an argumentative child. In High School, I would argue points on test grades if I fell a few points short of the grade I wanted. I was a nationally ranked debater. I went to college and debated a little bit there. Between HS and college, I wrote the Constitution and Bylaws for 4 different organizations and in college, I took two Commercial Law, two Antitrust and three Constitutional Law classes and did really well in all of them and I was pretty much an ultracompetitive person. I know, I sound like the prototypical, can't miss with law school person. The problem is, that's exactly what EVERYONE thought about me. As you can tell, from my membership in 68th Circuit, I haven't always been satisfied with the law school decision.

I did the whole "speak with lawyers about their job" thing. I even shadowed a partner at a big, antitrust law firm in DC for a day. I spoke with some professors about law schools, all the while figuring out whether I wanted to go to a school with a higher ranking or whether I wanted to go to a school offering me money. Everyone was glad to help me. And yet, I DIDN'T REALLY LIKE LAW SCHOOL!
No one once told me that I should consider working first or alternatives to law school. No one even once thought I would be happier doing something else, or that my proposed career path didn't make all that much sense. Granted, most of my friends, professors and family may have been somewhat afraid I was going to rip their heads off (I would have), if they told me that I shouldn't go to law school.

Suggestion: Grab your most annoyingly disagreeable friend and give them an important task: devil's advocate. If you don't have an annoyingly disagreeable friend, bring me. Bring this friend to meet with every lawyer you talk to. Bring this friend to talk with your professors. This friend should be attached to every law school discussion like leeches to a Fear Factor contestant.

If they can't come with you (like you're shadowing someone), make sure to brief them thoroughly. This person's job should be, despite their actual thoughts, to bring up EVERY bad thing that could happen because of your decision to go to law school. Seriously folks, most of those bad things are going to happen anyway. Maybe not all of them, but most of them. Oh, and don't listen to your parents, all they want to do is tell their friends "My son/daughter is studying to be a lawyer." Trust me.

If you follow this simple (okay, it's not overwhelmingly simple) strategy, you will make sure that you consider all of the options. Don't dismiss the decision of whether to go to law school in favor of deciding which one to go to. You will be much happier in the long run.

The "Callback Lunch" and all it entails

So I decided to wait a little while before addressing the LSAT. Instead, I'm going to touch on an issue that is foremost in the minds of 2-Ls. The issue that crowds out all others. The issue that causes you too take a break from playing solitaire in your Wills and Trusts class, and gaze off into the hazy distance. Yes, that old chestnut, the dreaded "Callback Lunch."

Now, 2-Ls, take a knee. I remember well when I got my first callback from a major Washington firm. I was so excited, I almost dropped the phone. My knees shook, my teeth tingled, my bladder felt loose -well, you get the idea. Shortly thereafter, I was e-mailed by the recruiting coordinator of this firm whose name I will omit for the time being. In her chirpy little e-mail, yours truly was given the choice between the typical battery of interviews, OR the typical battery of interviews followed by lunch.

Just the other day, I heard a 2-L who had just received her callback say something to the following effect: "You know Jimmy, I don't think I'm going to do that callback lunch thing. I just feel like that's one more chance for me to screw up."

When I hear comments like this, I throw up in my mouth just a little. This girl deserved to have her ears boxed, and her butt firmly whacked with a strong oak paddle. After all, she had just turned down one of the easiest and most enjoyable parts of any firm callback interview -the free lunch. They say there's no such things as a free lunch. Well, "they" don't know jack.

The firm callback lunch is quite possible the most enjoyable part of any interview. It is the time, usually following a series of six to seven 30 min. Interviews with partners of the firm, when one junior associate and one more senior associate of the firm will take you out to a fairly decent restaurant (between $15 and $30 per entree). Rarely will a partner ever be present, although this is not an impossibility. Thus, because of the relatively piddling status of you lunch companions, you don't really need to worry about what you say or how you come across. I'm not saying that you can take your soup bowl and wear it on your head. I'm just saying it's alright to let your guard down a little at this point.

The following is a transcript of the most uncomfortable lunchtime callback conversation I've ever had.

Senior Associate: So, what sort of music do you like you listen to while you drive around.
Me: (awkward pause) I dunno. All sorts of stuff. Some Coldplay, or maybe some rap if I'm going out for a night on the town. But no Kanye West, I hate that guy.
Junior Associate: I like Kanye West.
Me: (awkward pause) Oh.

Funny huh?...Guess you had to be there.

Another big question that 2-Ls might be wondering about is what to eat? There are some rules here, but they're pretty easy to pick up. First, regarding the entree, don't order an entree that is more that 130% the price of what your companions are eating. For instance, if Mr. Junior Associate orders a $10 lunch entree, you should order a lunch entree no more than $13.00. On the other hand, don't order an entree cheaper than the lowest priced entree ordered at the table. You might not believe it, but law firms LIKE IT WHEN YOU PUT THEIR RECRUITING BUDGET TO USE. It makes them feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Also, if you're in the unfortunate position of ordering first, don't order an entree more than $25. You'll get your $40 steak little 2-L, but you must be patient. That will come over the summer.

Second rule of thumb, don't order anything that involves sauce or garlic, or that you have to eat with your hands. Chicken, salmon, or scallops are sure winners. After all, if you drop a scallop on your blue power tie, you can smile and dab the "scallop residue" off. If you drop a meatball on your power tie with all that beautiful red tomato sauce -you're fucked.

In sum, go to lunch and enjoy it. Just avoid the temptation to order a spaghetti sandwich.

P.S.: Do not ever, ever, ever, order an alcoholic beverage (not even white wine) at the callback lunch. Ever.

Comments? Advice?

Do you have any comments for 68th Circuit? Do you have some advice about the profession that you would like people to see? Would you like to publish it on the longest running, largest and fastest growing legal hatred blog located at ftlp.blogspot.com?

Comments? If you'd like to make a comment, I think ou can just click on the comment button. If you'd like to make a private comment, please direct them to 68thCircuit@gmail.com. Every good blogger has a g-mail account.

Advice? If you have one important piece of advice or one big gripe, who knows, we may post it for you. Feel free to send it to 68thCircuit@gmail.com. We're not all that creative, so we can always use the help.

Lots of Advice? Would you like to become a member of 68th Circuit? Too bad, you can't. But we may be willing to create a "guest" blogger category, and open it up to a few select, fantastically qualified people. Send us an application at 68thCircuit@gmail.com. We don't need contact info., but send us your general position in the legal community (i.e. junior associate at a large souless law firm) and maybe three examples of your beef with the legal world/advice. Who knows, you may become the first guest blogger on FTLP. Errr...I mean, we've been around for a LONG time.

Legal Note (Hey, we hate the legal profession, but we're lawyers): Any postings or publications for FTLP become the exclusive property of 68th Circuit and its members. Any attempt to re-publish without the express written permission of Major League Baseball or 68th Circuit is strictly prohibited. (Major League Baseball? What am I thinking?)
Okay, new disclaimer: You can republish anything you give us, and so can we. We won't sue you and you won't sue us (wow, tough for a lawyer to say). But if someone else tries to republish your stuff, we'll team up and we both can sue em. SWEET, that's the ticket!

FTLP- A Wakeup Call for Lawyers and Law Students: September 2006

FTLP- A Wakeup Call for Lawyers and Law Students: September 2006

Got Some Advice or Comments?

Do you hate the legal world and everything it stands for? Do you have some advice for people who need to avoid it? Would you like your advice to be shown on the longest running, largest and fastest growing law hatred website located at ftlp.blogspot.com?

If you would like to comment privately, please send comments to 68thCircuit@gmail.com (every good blogger has a g-mail account). Also, please feel free to send us a guest entry. Who knows, if we like it, we may put it in there.

Would you like to become a member of 68th Circuit? Too bad, you can't. But we may consider opening up a "Guest" blogger account. Feel free to send us an application (we don't need any contact info, or even a name), but let us know your beef with the legal world and a few different words of advice that you would like to give. Send it to 68thCircuit@gmail.com, we may send you a password.

Legal Note (because even though we hate the profession, we're lawyers): Any postings you send us become the exclusive property of 68th Circuit and its members. Any re-publication of such postings without the express written consent of Major League Baseball or 68th Circuit are prohibited by law. Okay, maybe not, you can still publish your own comments and postings anywhere you want, but so can we. Okay, new legal disclaimer, "Any postings you send us are exclusive property of you, and 68th Circuit. We won't sue you, you won't sue us. But let's face it, we're lawyers and if anyone else publishes it, we'll both sue them." SWEET!

FTLP- A Wakeup Call for Lawyers and Law Students

DON'T DO IT!

Okay, for all you kids looking at applying to law school. We made this blog to keep you from making some of the same mistakes we did and to give you some of the advice we wish we had. With that, I will give you my biggest piece of advice on law school. DON'T DO IT!

I might rank up there among the top 100 people in America for talking people out of going to law school in the last 4 years. I'm not going to give you all the reasons now, I don't have time, and I need more to talk about in the future, but I will give you this. Think about how many lawyers there are out there. About 2000 people take the Virginia Bar exam every summer. There are hundreds of thousands of lawyers out there and pretty much all of them are miserable. More importantly, they can't all get paid very much. Think supply and demand people.

Law school itself is a miserable hazing exercise that no one needs to go through and it doesn't even prepare you the bar exam or really legal practice (more on that later). In all honesty, I would tell you to try something else first. If you like something else, ANYTHING else, go for it. It's going to eventually pay just as well with higher ultimate potential and let's face it, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

That's all for now. Good luck, and remember, the LSAT is far more fun than law school (I'll give you LSAT tips later on, I'm one of those 168 people). And you hot blonde Cornell 1L's. Gimme a call sometime.

Thinking of Law School? Be scared...very scared...

This blog is a collaborative effort by a number of individuals including young lawyers and experienced law students. The purpose of writing this is first and foremost to provide ourselves with a lucrative platform for launching our eventual book deal. Here we come Harper Collins! The general idea is for us to update it weekly, addressing a new and sexy topic of discussion related to exposing the taboos of the legal profession and law school each week. However, it's also nice to have a place to vent our frustrations with the practice and study of law.

So...who should bother reading this blog? Fourteen year old pre-pubescent girls might wish to look elsewhere, as we will not be discussing Justin Timberlake. Hot blonde 1-Ls from Cornell are welcome to continue reading.

Ha! I've just made the first joke of the blog!

Seriously, if you are one of those thousands upon thousands of college seniors who are prepping to take the LSAT on October 3, or one of those precious little 2-Ls attempting to score a job with one of the AmLaw 100 and crossing your fingers as you wait to get an offer, take a knee and listen up. Hell, even if you're a law student who's really gone off the reservation and decided to do something completely insane (like public interest or something entirely unrelated to legal practice), you might get something out of our posts.

And believe me, we know what we're talking about. The analysis and advice you'll receive here WILL give you a leg up and it WILL be true. However, there is no guarantee that it will be easy. All of us busted our asses getting into excellent law schools and scoring sweetheart jobs. If you think it's easy to get into a school that ranks among the top 50 in the US, then you don't know shit (or you had an LSAT score of 168+).

There's only one group of individuals out there who won't get anything from the advice we have to offer. Yeah, I'm talking to the approximately 500 or so Yale Law school kids out there. I have just one thing to say to you people who can cruise through law school without even worrying about grades- Fuck You.

OK, so for the rest of you out there, from Stanford on down to New England School of Law, you might just want to hear what we have to say.

Next week...the LSAT -does it matter a lot, or rather, does it matter a whole hell of a lot?